Category Archives: Tips For The Traveler

Pre-Pre-History

Pre-History is a big, big place with many exciting points of interest; but we’re talking dinosaurs here. The time traveler is a thrill-seeker by nature and time travel offers the most extreme of thrills. Because of this, time travelers always want to visit the prehistoric past. Pre-History is the X-Games of the time line!

Time travelers heed this warning: the Triassic-Cretaceous-Jurassic eras (or for the lay-est of lay-travelers, “Dinosaur Times”) just aren’t worth the visit. The humidity, the stomping (no one ever mentions how loud those things were), and all those teeth!

Watch out! Dinosaurs dragged their tails through the mud for such a long time that even if the traveler twists hard on her time dial, say an extra 20 million years, she will still pop in and see a mess of dinosaurs. Why not set your dial post 65-million years B.C., after the nasty suckers got wiped? It’s much safer for the traveler and there’s far less running for your life.

Extreme sport-er or not, the time traveler lucky enough to make it back from the dinosaur chunk of pre-history is always sorry she visited (it really comes down to all those teeth.) If the traveler insists on a dinosaur look-see, we recommend getting his or her fix at a revival park in the late 2200’s. The dinosaurs may be grown from half-chicken DNA, but they never escape and eat people… well, almost never

Time Gawkin’


It’s hard to decide what to bring and what to leave behind when you’re planning to take a front-row seat at a historic catastrophe. (You wouldn’t necessarily remember to bring an umbrella to the Hindenburg disaster, but it was raining in New Jersey that day.)

Many of the Earth’s greatest mishaps were lost in pre-history well before the record books and the discovery of the opposable pen-pushing thumb. Too bad the dinosaurs couldn’t write a memoir of their final days, but now time travelers can bear witness. Disasters are crowded with time-gawkers creating maximum-capacity issues. Vesuvius, Hindenburg, and 1906 San Francisco are standing-room-only. The Titanic’s captain has no idea that if he only focuses his binoculars behind the ship he’ll spot hundreds of spectators from the future paddling to watch him bite the dust.

Watching history’s disasters play out is morbid so have patience, act decently, and respect the victims of time’s disasters; most of all, be a good spectator.