The first Time Authority (TA) sanctioned interview with a Time Traveler goes off the time rails.
- “Keep your 2014 hands to yourself lowly past citizen” or at least that’s how the interviewer felt.
The unfortunate ending to the first interview with a time traveler
The first Time Traveler has been interviewed and enthusiasts of time travel have found the exchange either promising or frustrating depending on their linear perspective. The novelty of an interview with an actual time traveler has been lost on some time travel “haters”. Others have found the exchange between interviewer and traveler spirited and inspiring .
The interviewee claims to have traveled from the far future back to our point in time. The future traveler states he was sent with a message for us back here in the past. Our current representative did as thorough an interview as possible within the parameters that the traveler permitted. Prior to the interview there were numerous “drops” of information to inform the interviewer and Time Authority. These packages were left at pre-arranged locations and as answering machine messages received by the interviewer through time.
Some viewers have noted that the interviewer and the traveler share a distinctness in similarity. These viewers have implied that the interviewer and interviewee might be the same person. Additionally, others have been critical of the traveler’s sense of fashion (or lack of). These meandering and unsubstantiated accusations are at once discouraging and confused. The idea that an institution (even in its fetal phase) as important as The Time Authority wasting time manipulating footage is tedious and ridiculous. It would require complicated green-screening then carefully matching answer footage with footage of the questions. As for fashion, the traveler and crew had long discussions about how he would first present himself. Both traveler and crew were aware that the choice would not go un-criticized.
In the end, the TA stands by this first interview even when the traveler does not — he storms out. Even though the traveler didn’t stay, the messages he began filtering are important:
- Time travel is real.
- Time travel will happen in our lifetime.
- The future holds uncertainties and lessons for us in the past.
If the the time travel enthusiast hasn’t yet encountered this interview, your Time Authority recommends doing so now.
- Time travelers are starting to show up everywhere. Just watch your local news
The Time Authority is busy perpetuating the notion of time travel as a reality. This “seeding” of the timeline is beginning to propagate and evidence of it is all around, for those who are looking. Time travel has begun showing up more frequently in popular media including the evening news in which “Project Pegasus” has been featured.
Project Pegasus might sound magical and glittery but time travel enthusiasts have been talking about the truth of this secret government project for years. For those waiting until another version of themselves pops up in a time machine — good news! Project Pegasus believers claim this kind of non-linear meet and greet is already happening.
Project Pegasus was a government plan that sent children and their parents through time. Some call it time travel, others say it was an experiment in teleportation. Andrew Basiago claims it’s real and he experienced it. This sounds unbelievable to those who haven’t opened their minds to the many possibilities of a timeline being liberally used by travelers. For those who believe time travel is relevant and in the first stages of invention, Project Pegasus is another piece of evidence that travelers are with us.
“Imagine a world in which one could jump through Grand Central Teleport in New York City, travel through a vortal tunnel in the time-space continuum, and emerge several seconds later at Union Teleport in Los Angeles. Such a world has been possible since 1968, when teleportation was first achieved by DARPA’s Project Pegasus. When my quest, Project Pegasus, succeeds, such a world will emerge, and human beings linked globally via teleportation will proclaim the Time-Space Age has begun.”
— Andrew D. Basiago
Time Travel Rule #2: You break it you buy it… FOREVER.
Break something — a Prehistoric Egyptian jar (brand-new and at the same time preciously old) — crash the first Model T, or lose a contact lens in 1902 — the traveler is advised to visit the nearest Time Authority Remediation Branch and admit guilt to aid in the historical scrub-down. The Eternal Lord Bradbury has been proven right over and over again concerning his “Don’t step no bugs” edict. The traveler is cautioned to find a balance between traveler’s O.C.D. and reckless breakage of historic artifacts. Remember, on the timeline everything is a historic artifact.
For all those waiting to learn the Do’s & Don’ts or just how a time traveler is to behave on the timeline — your wait is over!
The trickle-down of Time Travel Rules is about to begin so gas up your time cars, flux up your capacitors, and dial in your booths because traveling through time’s about to get more coherent.
Remember that all Time Travel Rules have been created and sanctioned by your Time Authority.
Time Travel Rule #1: Never Alter the Timeline for Altruistic Reasons
No matter how much you want to change up the timeline, don’t do it. The never-ending list of historic horrors invites the best intentioned traveler to correct the timeline and many seasoned travelers will try to do just that. One only has to scratch the surface of the timeline to glimpse the depth of human depravity but the TA demands: don’t scratch it too deeply! Altering tragic histories, no matter how good your intentions, always screws up the “Now” and the TA really hates that kind of interference.
You as traveler will most certainly encounter a “Time Anarchist” going rogue on the timeline. These Timeline agitators can be seen cordless-drilling holes in the Santa Maria, dropping Dee-Con rat-traps in 1350′s England, or loosening bolts in the Apollo’s ladder in 1969. If you go Anarchist you’ll have to ask yourself how much you care about the integrity of your timeline and how much do you care about your traveling buddies. Look to your left because your time traveling pal might not be there after you tweak the past. The traveler is spectator first, second, and always.
Eating is one big deal in the early human world and our simple recommendation is this: bring lots of snacks. Bring snacks for you and bring snacks for your new-found evolutionary pals!
Trust us — show up in a time machine and E.M. will come sniffing (people are damn curious no matter how high or low we stand on the evolutionary scale). If you show up in a flash of light and a metal box, you had better come with something to offer (A.K.A.: snacks!).
Since there’s no written language until 3200 BCE, Early Man can grunt on and on about your future gift food without leaving a written historic note to influence the timeline. We suggest a simple trail mix recipe it’s super fast to throw together and easy on the pocket. Feel free to hand out this trail mix to the E.M. you meet but beware of the bag! That plastic-metallic-poly bag never, ever erases from the timeline and that leads directly to traveler interference or TA Rule #3: “Don’t Litter on the Timeline”.
Use Those Thumbs — (The Perfect Early Trail Mix)
(Mix up any dried fruit available at your modern supermarket (aisle 5 next to the soup). The traveler has no idea what a big deal it is to eat dried fruit –historically speaking. Dried strawberries or pineapples are a mind-blowing delicacy to E.M.
- 2 cups oatmeal, Rice Checks, really any cereal, bread crumbs — something grainy and processed — whatever!
- 1 cup of dried (cheap stuff because you’re going to need more) raisins, raspberries, blueberries, pineapples, or strawberries
- 1 cup of peanuts with shell – Nuts are okay despite what some claim about time travelers creating nut allergies
- 1 box of powdered milk (yes, confounding powdered milk — it’s one of the eternal unanswerable questions: how does one drink dried milk?)
- 1 cup sand
- Mix all contents in a (see warning) plastic bag and shake! Shake it as much or as little as you like, it really doesn’t matter — it’s going onto the ground
Sprinkle your trail mix on the forest floor then, importantly, stand back! Once the local E.M. sniff out your trail mix (on a trail or not), they’ll come loping in fast.
Everyone has heard the don’t’s that threaten time travel disasters: “Don’t meet your past self!” “Don’t so much as even sneeze on the timeline,” “Don’t date your great-great grandmother no matter how hot she is!” Don’t, Don’t, Don’t! But time travelers are “Do-ers” not “Don’t-ers” and all that can’t-do talk can really get a time traveler down. Hey, you didn’t companion-up, wait all those years for time travel to be invented, or actually invent time travel to then get all negative about it.
Still, there are hard and fast rules established by the Time Authority that every traveler needs to know. The Time Authority is a multi-century, multi-timeline regulatory agency in charge of keeping the timeline consistent, linear, and like a high-fiber diet for the timestream — regular. A recently “found” guidebook to time travel provides user-friendly tips to understanding the Authority’s laws and how to stay safely on the right side of them. Here we’ll slowly dole out the list of top time-traveling “No-No’s” to keep the traveler on the straight and narrow — non-linearly, of course — slowly in case the TA finds this information harmful to the timeline.
“Hey, you look familiar!” ”You too!” — Two versions of the same traveler on different timelines — can you be in the same place at the same time? Can you look into each others eyes and say “what the…”?
Popular culture has perpetuated a number of time travel myths, fallacies, and down right lies about time travel. Maybe it’s ignorance or a deliberate plot to misinform perpetuated by the C.N.R., (Counter-Non-Linear Revolutionaries). Despite popular time travel beliefs, meeting your future or past self does not cause the timeline to unravel, brains to explode, or the universe to end in a wimper. Two yous can exist at once. You and you can even touch each other, dispelling another TT fallacy about instant combustion when coming into contact with your other self. Go ahead, shake hands, slap five, or give yourself a hug; it’s weird but harmless.